The First Snowfall
by Jennifer Collins
Summary: A dangerous stranger from Natasha's past changes everything. Captain America is thrown into an emotional struggle, and relationships all around are strained.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers.

**The First Snowfall**

By Jennifer Collins

"Avengers, assemble!" Nick Fury's desperate voice rang through the Bluetooth.

Natasha looked up from where she had Clint pinned to the floor in the training room. "What's that about?" She asked.

Clint shook his head. "I don't know, but I guess we should go find out."

"Right," she said, jumping off of him and offering a hand.

He took it, letting her pull him up easily. "Just when I was about to escape and show you who's boss," he muttered.

She laughed, shaking her head. "Never gonna happen, Hawk."

The two moved swiftly down the hall to the elevator that would take them to the third floor conference room where Fury would debrief them.

When they walked through the automatic sliding door, they were surprised to see Bruce and Stark were already seated with grim looks on their faces.

"Agent Barton, Agent Romanoff," Fury greeted. "Thank you for joining us."

They nodded politely and took two empty seats.

"What's this all about?" Clint asked.

Fury lowered his head. "I'm afraid we're in a very grave situation."

Natasha looked to Bruce, but he seemed just as confused as she was.

"I'll let you watch this video to get you up to speed," Fury said, popping a disk into his computer.

"Aren't we going to wait for Cap?" Tony asked.

"I'm not sure yet how to break this to Captain Rogers," the director answered.

Natasha's eyebrows furrowed. "Break what to him?"

Fury hit the play button.

Clint leaned closer to the video screen, squinting at the bad quality.

Tony drummed his fingers on the table impatiently until Fury glared at him.

On the screen, they all saw a glint of metal in a dark and snowy landscape. Several figures clad in dark blue cloaks rushed to the scene. One of them bent down to the ground, reaching out and locking a hand around the metal object. The camera zoomed in and Clint was surprised to see it was a man lying on the ground.

Natasha gasped, then quickly placed both hands over her mouth.

Clint turned to her, but she was gazing attentively at the screen. He narrowed his eyes as he turned his attention back to the video, where the anonymous blue-clad men were lifting the form up from the ground and it took him a second, but Clint realized that the metal object was the guy's arm. He continued watching the screen long enough to see the men put the guy into a vehicle, then Fury paused the screen.

"What are we looking at?" Banner asked, confused.

"That was the Winter Soldier," Fury said. "It seems he's fallen into enemy hands. This situation could get very dire very quickly if we don't get him back."

"Winter Soldier?" Clint said, gazing at Natasha, who was looking down at the table. "I've never heard of this guy."

"Me neither," Tony said. "Why should we care about this?"

"Because he's dangerous," Natasha said calmly.

"Very dangerous," Fury confirmed. "And he's Captain Rogers' old partner."

"Partner?" Tony asked incredulously. "Cap never mentioned a partner."

"The Captain believes he's dead," Fury said gravely.

Tony chuckled. "I'm not going to be the one to break the news to him, that's all on you, Director."

"Something doesn't add up," Bruce spoke. "Why does Steve think he's dead?"

"Because they fought together in World War II," Fury explained. "The last Steve saw of him, he fell off a train. He doesn't know that Barnes survived."

"Oh boy," Bruce let out a breath.

"So this guy was what, frozen in the ice like Cap?" Clint asked.

"Something like that. He woke up a few years back. That's how your dad was motivated to rescue the Captain when he was looking for the cube, Tony," Fury continued. "But when Barnes awakened, he fell in with hostile forces in Russia for awhile. That was before he was inspired to break free. But now he's been compromised again."

"What inspired him to break free?" Clint asked.

"That's not of concern to this mission."

"What about Steve?" Natasha asked, a little too loudly.

"You let me handle Captain America. Right now I need you all to review these debriefing packets. I'll expect you all to act tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," Clint said, taking his packet.

"You're all dismissed until you hear my signal," Fury replied.

They all rose from their seats, Bruce and Tony murmuring their thoughts on the matter, and Natasha took off, walking quickly through the sliding doors.

"Natasha," Clint called. "Natasha, wait!" He shouted when she didn't turn around.

He ran down the hall just in time to see her disappear behind the elevator doors and he rushed to press the button to keep them open long enough for him to slip through. "Not now, Clint," she said. "We need to focus on the mission."

"We will. But first I need to talk to you," he urged.

The doors opened on their floor and she sighed. "Okay."

"I saw your face when Fury showed us that video. You know that guy," Clint said, a little accusingly.

"Yes."

"Who is he?"

"His name is James Barnes. He called himself Bucky back when Cap knew him. Now he's the Winter Soldier."

Clint nodded. "And how do you know him?"

She covered her face with her hands.

Clint grabbed her wrist. "Natasha…"

"I… trained with him."

"What? How?" He demanded, his mind trying to put the pieces together.

"In Russia," she whispered.

He was confused for a moment, then something clicked in his mind. "Hostile forces in Russia," he murmured. "The Red Room."

She nodded.

"Tasha…something just doesn't make sense. How is that possible, if he was woken up years before Cap?"

She looked away. "I was injected with a…. sort of age-defying serum. I'm a little older than you think I am."

He suddenly found it difficult to swallow. "H-how much older?"

She slowly turned back to him to meet his gaze. "I was born in 1928."

"But.. that would make you almost as old as Cap," Clint said.

She nodded.

"What…? Why did you never tell me this?"

"It never came up in conversation?"

"I think I need to sit down," He said, feeling a little dizzy.

"Okay." She placed a hand on his back and pushed him forward. "We can go to my room."

He gratefully slumped down on the couch in her quarters. "So… you have a history with this guy who I'm just hearing about?"

"Clint.."

"You said you trained with him. What, like how we trained together?" He looked up at her, his eyes wide.

She nodded wordlessly.

"Oh." He leaned back against the wall. "I guess I didn't know as much about you as I thought."

"I'm sorry, Clint," she whispered.

"I'm assuming, from the look on your face, that you were…. ah, involved with him."

"For awhile," she said quietly.

He looked away from her.

"Clint," she reached down the place a hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away.

"Did you love him?"

She shook her head. "Can we not… do this?" She mumbled.

"No, let's. Let's do this, Tasha. You were in love with this guy, weren't you?"

"Stop." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please stop."

"God, how could I have been so stupid? I thought I knew you. You told me I knew you, that I was different. I guess I'm not so different after all, huh?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Clint," she said, a little angrily.

"No, you're right. I don't know. I don't know because you didn't tell me!" He shouted. He abruptly rose up off the couch. "We're supposed to be… whatever it is we're supposed to be," he said, so low she had to struggle to hear him.

"We are," she pleaded.

"No.. Tasha. We were partners. I trusted you with everything. You… left out a few major details. How can I trust you like that again, Nat?"

"I… I don't know…" She choked.

"I have to get out of here," He said, crossing to the other side of the room and motioning for the sliding door to open.

"No, Clint, please. Wait," she whispered.

"I don't… I can't," he whispered back. "I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore." With that, he left the room.

She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she watched his retreating form, suddenly feeling as cold as if it were snowing.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where's Agent Barton?" Fury demanded.

Natasha sighed. "He's requested to be removed from this mission."

"His request was denied," Fury said.

"Then he'll be here," Natasha answered.

"Director," Banner spoke up. "Have you…. informed the Captain?"

"Yes. We had a long discussion last night. He'll be joining you on this mission."

Bruce nodded.

"Are we taking the Quinjet?" Tony asked. "Because there's five of us, and if we're supposed to be bringing back this Winter Soldier guy…"

"You'll have two jets at your disposal," Fury answered. "Agent Hill is preparing them as we speak."

Tony leaned closer to Bruce. "I vote that you and I ride together and leave them to figure their shit out," he said in a low voice.

"That's…. probably best for me, I suppose," Bruce agreed.

"Great, I'll pilot," Tony said with a grin.

"Director Fury," Hill's voice came over the bluetooths. "Agent Barton and Captain Rogers are here to report for duty, sir."

"It's about time. Send them to the control room."

"Yes, sir."

A moment later, the door to the control room slid open, and in walked Clint and Steve.

"We've elected for you two to ride with the Black Widow. Banner and I will be riding alone," Tony informed them.

Steve shrugged.

"Barton, can you fly?" Tony asked.

He nodded wordlessly.

"Great. Then let's go."

They walked to the launch bay in silence, each climbing into their assigned jets.

"Do you have your coordinates?" Natasha asked.

"Yes. Where is it we're going?"

"To a Hydra base in New Mexico." She nodded to Steve. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Let's just complete the mission. We'll worry about the rest later," Clint advised.

Steve looked up at her. "You knew?"

She nodded, her face full of remorse.

"Did you know what he… what he was to me?"

"Steve…"

"Just answer the question, please."

"I knew."

"All this time I've been here. You didn't tell me. What, did you forget?"

"She doesn't tell you everything, Cap. Just like Fury. But no, I don't think she's forgotten anything," Clint said over the roar of the engine.

She sighed. "It wasn't my place to tell. He was involved with some pretty nasty stuff. When he got himself back he just wanted to disappear. And S.H.I.E.L.D. thought it best to let him."

Steve nodded. "Have you…. have you kept in contact with him?"

"No. It's been years."

"There's something I don't understand from the debriefing. If he's so dangerous, how did they… disable him?"

"Trigger words, Captain. Back when he was conditioned, he was implanted with trigger words that would cause a function. They kept him unconscious between missions to avoid… confusion."

Clint gave a low whistle. "Wow."

She nodded. "They had to have used a trigger word to disable him. But it won't last long. They'll try to brainwash him again when he wakes up. That's why we have to get there in time…"

Steve closed his eyes. "That's my friend. He's not a weapon. He is not meant to be a weapon!" He pounded his fist into a wall.

"Easy, Captain…" Natasha pleaded.

"You knew him?" Steve asked when he opened his eyes. "Were you close?"

She glanced at Clint but he didn't turn around and she couldn't see if he was still listening or not. "Sort of."

"Did he ever mention me?"

"All the time." She smiled. "Once his memories were restored, you were all he ever talked about."

"Why didn't he come? After… "

"After S.H.I.E.L.D. dug you out? He might not have known."

"Oh."

"Steve… I'm sorry."

"Guys, we're here," Clint spoke up. "Prepare for landing."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Shit. They know we're here," Tony said.

"Of course they know we're here," Clint replied with a bitter laugh. "How many of them do you think there are?"

"Too many," Natasha answered. "We'll need a distraction."

"What's the plan, Captain?" Clint asked.

"Um… Bruce? I think we need The Hulk to.."

"Not a good idea, Steve," Bruce said.

"No, he's right," Tony said. "The Hulk could provide just the distraction we need to get in there and get out."

"Who's going in?" Natasha asked.

"I think you should probably… you'll be fastest," Steve said.

She nodded.

"Barton, gain some high ground and do your thing to keep us informed. Stark, you're out here with the big guy. I'll cover the Black Widow," Steve said.

"We're on it, Captain," Tony said, patting him on the back.

"Everybody, move!" Steve ordered.

Natasha ran off to the side before Bruce transformed, taking a wide approach.

"Big guy's on the loose," Tony warned through the Bluetooth. "Time to suit up."

"There's too many of them," Clint said. "I'd take it to the sky if I were you."

"Agent Romanoff, where you at?" Tony asked.

"I see an in. But I don't see Steve."

"I'm behind you. Go on."

"Right." She waited until all hands were running towards the Hulk, then approached the building from the side. "Doors locked," she said.

"Looks like we're busting in," Rogers said.

"You don't have to tell me twice," She said, kicking the double doors in.

"Captain, footsoldiers to your left. Ten of them," Clint warned.

"You'll have to go in without me, Natasha. I'll be there as soon as I can," Steve said.

"I'm in. It's dark. I'm sticking to the perimeter until I get my bearings," she called.

"Good idea," Steve commended.

"Shit. There's soldiers coming at me. It's an ambush."

"I'd hurry it up if I were you kids," Tony said. "We've got our hands full out here. I don't think we'll be able to hold them off for long. "

"I'm a little busy at the moment, Stark," Natasha said, whipping around and kicking two enemy soldiers at a time.

"Clint, can you get these guys off of me?" Steve asked.

"I'm on it," he said, loading his bow and taking aim.

"Hey, Cap. How are we going to find our guy once we get inside?" Tony wondered.

"Natasha, do you see anything?"

"No, I've still got my hands full here, Captain."

"We need a better plan," Steve said, a little breathless.

Clint paused mid-launch and surveyed his surroundings. Iron Man was blasting soldiers off the Hulk from the air, Captain America was battling more and more of them on foot. "What's the new plan, Captain?" He asked. "We can't hold this much longer."

"I know. We have to retreat. But we're not leaving without completing this mission," Steve said. "The first person who can break free, get in and get the hell out!"

Clint groaned, then shot a grappling hook into a window. He leapt through and landed hard on his hands and knees. He quickly pulled himself up and looked around, but saw no one. "I'm free," Clint said softly into his headset.

Suddenly, the door blasted open and he was no longer alone.

"Shit. No, I'm not," he amended. He only saw the slight glint of metal as the hand reached out and grabbed his bow, effectively disarming him.

"Winter Soldier!" He shouted, kicking his foot hard and landing a blow in the guy's gut.

His opponent only doubled for a second before he came at him again, and he took a punch in the jaw. Clint reached out his hands to wrap around his neck, gasping out loud as the metal fingers dug into his arm. He freed his other arm, elbowing him in the ribs, but still the Winter Soldier advanced.

They went at it for awhile, Clint wasn't sure how long, each trading the advantage. He was well aware that time was running out and that he would have to wrap this up. He lunged for his bow, but Winter Soldier grabbed his leg, dragging him.

He rolled over onto his back and kicked him in the face with his other leg and his opponent cursed. He leapt up, but the soldier threw his body at him, pinning him against the wall. Clint pushed hard against his chest, but it was no use.

Suddenly, a shot rang out, landing to the left of his head in the wall. It distracted his opponent just enough so that he could break away. "Natasha?"

"Clint! Are you okay?"

"I'm alright, you?"

She didn't have time to answer as the Winter Soldier charged at her. "James!" She shouted.

He paused for a second, tilting his head to the side as he studied her.

"James, it's me. It's Natasha," She said quietly, soothingly. "We're not your enemies. We've come to get you out of here."

"N-Natasha?" He tried the word out. "Aargh!" He grabbed his head in both his hands, sinking to his knees.

Natasha cautiously moved forward, reaching out her hand to pat his hair. "It's going to be alright, James."

He snarled, reaching out his hands and grabbing for her. She leapt away, but he caught hold of her leg and dragged her to the ground with him. She braced herself on her elbows to lift herself up and jumped. The fingers from his left arm dug into her calf, dragging down as she stood up and she tottered on unsteady legs.

He advanced on the weakness, pinning her to the ground. He held her down with his metal hand, grabbing for his weapon with the other.

"James! Don't…"

Her eyes widened in horror and she barely caught the sight of the fist knocking a blow to his right temple. Then he crashed to the floor, unconscious.

"Clint?" She gasped for breath, moving out from underneath her attacker.

He didn't say anything as he slowly backed away from the scene, looking towards the door.

"Clint, we have to get him out of here."

He shook his head, still eyeing the exit.

"Clint, please. I'm hurt. I can't lift him by myself." She bent over the bulky frame, lifting an arm onto her shoulders. "Please, Clint. I need you. I need your help."

He nodded, making his way to her side and tentatively wrapping his arms around the soldier's upper body.

"Don't touch his arm," she warned. She spoke into her headset. "It's over. We got him."

"Come out the back," Steve replied. "I'm in the jet. I'll pick you up."

She looked to him and he nodded. "Let's go."

They half carried, half dragged their target out the door and sunk low in the corridor, but no one came. Outside, they could hear the roar of the engine on the Quinjet. "Through the window," Clint said. He let go of the soldier long enough to shoot an arrow through the window.

"You go first," Natasha said.

He jumped through, then reached back in to take hold of the Winter Soldier. "Drop him," he commanded. He set the soldier down on the ground and reached for Natasha, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her through.

Together, they lifted him into the back of the jet and climbed in. "We've got to get out of here, now!" Natasha shouted.

"I need you to fly this thing out," Steve said to Clint.

He eagerly climbed into the pilot's seat, with Natasha crawling in beside him. "Stark! Where are you?"

"I've got the Hulk unconscious. I'm waiting until he turns back. We're concealed."

Steve nodded. "Let's go."

"Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for take-off," Clint said.

Natasha sat back in her seat, still breathing heavily. She reached into the first aid kit that was mounted on the wall, searching for something to wrap her leg.

Steve stood up and walked over to the Winter Soldier, staring.

Clint nodded to Natasha. "You okay back there, Cap?" She asked.

He was silent for a few moments as he took everything in. "He looks… different."

"Why don't you come sit up here, be my co-pilot," Clint suggested. "Natasha can look after him."

She climbed into the back, urging Steve with her eyes to take her place.

Finally, he made his way into the cockpit next to Clint. "What do we do if he wakes up?"

"My bracelets are laced with tranquilizers," Natasha said softly. "We won't have to worry about that."

He nodded. They rode the rest of the way back to the base in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

"What if he's hostile when he wakes up?" Bruce asked. He looked around the meeting room where they all sat to regroup.

"Then we'll deal with that as it comes," Fury answered.

"They know S.H.I.E.L.D. has him," Natasha pointed out. "We won't be able to keep him here for long."

"I suppose you're right," Fury said. "We'll have to move him."

"Where?" Tony wondered.

"Any ideas?" Fury asked.

"I've got one," Steve said. He was standing in the corner, arms folded across his chest. "He can stay at my apartment."

"Is that a good idea, Steve?" Bruce said.

"Director Fury!" Hill's voice rang out over their headsets. "The Winter Soldier is waking up."

"What do we do?" Steve asked, eyes wide.

"I'm going in," Natasha said, rising from her seat at the table.

"What? Are you crazy?" Clint demanded. He gestured with his hands to stop her, but she ran out before any of them could really protest.

"Agent Hill, send some agents to cover Agent Romanoff," Fury ordered.

"Yes, sir."

"Don't worry," Fury assured the team. "She knows what she's doing. We can watch on the screens."

XXXXXXX

She silently made her way down the hall to the medical bay. She knocked lightly at the door and the doctor on duty let her in.

"James?" She called, her voice nearly a whisper.

"Yes…" he answered in a guarded tone.

"It's Natasha," she said. "Do you remember me?"

He raised his head to look at her. "Natalia Romanova," he said. "Who could forget you?"

She smiled. "You're going to be okay, James."

He frowned as he sat up on the table. "Where are we? What happened?"

"We're on a S.H.I.E.L.D. base. You were captured by Hydra, but the Avengers rescued you before they could do any real harm."

He nodded slowly. "What do they want with me? I haven't done anything to them in ages."

"They're trying to turn you into a weapon, I guess. But it doesn't matter. You're safe here. Director Fury wants to help you. We all do."

"Where's Fury now?"

"He's here on base. With the Avengers. He'll be in shortly to talk to you."

"I don't… I don't remember much from before they attacked me," He admitted.

"It's alright. All that matters is that you're safe now."

He nodded.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They sat around the table in silence, watching on the screen. Tony kept a steady hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Do you want to leave the room, Captain?" Fury asked.

He shook his head.

"I think I'd prefer to leave," Clint muttered.

"Sssh! I'm trying to hear," Tony complained.

Steve got up from the table and took a few paces.

"The Avengers… those ah, soldiers, you were fighting with?" His voice came from the monitor.

She nodded.

"You have the Hulk?" He asked incredulously.

She smiled. "Yeah, we do."

"How'd that happen?"

She laughed. "Long story. I'm sure Fury will fill you in."

"Your boy fights good."

She looked up. "What?"

Clint stiffened.

"Come on. Like I didn't notice. He's got you written all over him. Looks like you've taught him well."

"Don't underestimate Hawkeye," Natasha warned. "We're partners at S.H.I.E.L.D. He's taught me a few things as well."

James looked down, fidgeted with his hands. "I'm sure he has."

Steve stopped pacing and plopped down in a seat, placing both his hands on either side of the screen. "I want to go in."

All eyes turned to him. "Are you sure?" Bruce asked.

He nodded. "Yes. Now. Please."

Fury held up a hand to stop him. "Let me go in first. I want to talk to him first. There's a lot we have to catch him up with."

"Fine. But do it quickly."


	4. Chapter 4

He pulled up on his motorcycle in front of his apartment building. The sleek black car wasn't far behind him. He pulled the key out of the ignition and hopped off.

Two armed S.H.I.E.L.D. agents got out of the car first and motioned for the Winter Soldier to follow. They guarded him on either side as they followed Steve in the door.

"I'm on the third floor," He informed them monotonously. They all piled into the elevator and rode up in silence. "Here," he said, unlocking his door. "After you."

James nodded his thanks and stepped in.

Steve turned to the agents. "I can take it from here."

"Right. Call us if you need us."

He nodded. When they left, he flicked on the lights and closed the door behind them. "Make yourself at home."

James looked at the floor. "Thank you."

"There's some drinks in the fridge. Help yourself to whatever." He regarded him thoughtfully. "You must be hungry. Are you hungry? I could microwave something…."

He shook his head. "No.. you don't have to."

"I've got a tv…" He switched on the remote.

They stood in awkward silence for awhile. James was the first one to break the silence. "It's good to see you, Steve," he said quietly.

Steve nodded. "You as well." He looked up at his friend. "… Bucky."

James smiled. "Nobody's called me that in a really long time."

"I'm sorry. Do you prefer James?"

"No."

"Alright. So.. Bucky. You… haven't changed much," Steve commented. "Um, appearance-wise I mean. Well, except for the obvious…"

"Neither have you," James pointed out.

"Yeah, I was… frozen, for awhile."

"So I heard."

Steve frowned. "So, how did you…?"

"I don't remember much about when they pulled me out. Only that they gave me the arm and told me to do some stuff. I was injected with a serum. That' s what's kept me young I suppose."

Steve nodded. "Like Natasha?"

"Yeah, like Natasha." He paused for a moment. "Look, Steve… I… I did some stuff… bad stuff…"

"Stop. Fury already told me. But I don't care about that."

He smiled. "Still the same old Cap. With your never-ending faith."

"I only have faith in those that deserve it," Steve said quietly. "The good ones."

"I don't know how much good is left in me," James said softly.

"I do."

He looked his old friend in the eyes for the first time since they'd been re-acquainted. "I hope you never change, Cap."

Steve shook his head. "Do you have any idea… how much I've missed you, Buck?" Without warning, he closed the distance between them and embraced his friend fiercely.

James froze for a moment, stunned. He slowly wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders, returning the hug. "I missed you too, Steve. Even when I didn't know it."

"There's still hope for you," Steve whispered. "You know that, right?"

"I… I hope so."

"This world… it's so much different than the one I remember. It was so hard…"

"I know," James said. "But it looks like you've got a good thing going, with the Avengers."

"Maybe… you could join us," Steve said.

He shook his head. "I don't think so, Cap. I'm not really a team player."

"You used to be," he pointed out.

"I'm… not the same person I was back then. You'll see." He had to look away from Steve's intense gaze. "Anyway.. thanks for letting me stay here."

"No problem. Take as long as you need." Steve gestured with his hand. "Here, have a seat. I'm going to."

James eagerly plopped down on the couch, Steve settled in an armchair across from him. "Now, about the tv," he said, flipping through some channels.

James smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

James woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon. He groggily opened his eyes and looked to the kitchen.

"Good morning," Steve said with a grin. "How was your first night?"

He yawned, stretching out his arms and moving from the couch to take a seat at the counter. "Peaceful. What's this?"

"What? I'm making scrambled eggs," Steve said.

James raised an eyebrow. "You can cook? Things really have changed…"

Steve was about to say something, but he was cut short by the buzz of the doorbell. "Hold that thought," he said, running down the stairs.

"Natasha!" He exclaimed once he opened the door.

She nodded. "Hello, Captain. Sorry to bother you so early in the morning."

"What's the matter? Is this an Avengers thing?"

"No.. I'm here on S.H.I.E.L.D. business. Is James here?"

"Uh, yeah. He's right upstairs." He gestured for her to follow him as he jogged up the stairs.

"You've got a visitor, Buck," he said, still unsure about the situation as he gauged James's reaction.

He got up from his seat. "Agent Romanoff. What a pleasant surprise."

"James," she greeted. "I'm here because Nick Fury sent me."

"Oh?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D. has commissioned Tony Stark to make you a new arm. This one's got many updates that I'm sure you'll find to your liking. Dr. Banner has agreed to attach to it for you. A car will be here for you in about an hour."

James frowned. "That's awful sweet of the director. But there's nothing wrong with my current one."

Her face softened slightly. "Fury thinks it may have a tracer on it. He thinks that may be how they found you."

"Oh. So what about this new one?"

"This one's more… discreet. Stark's fashioned it so that it can't be detected by any metal detectors. You'll be able to come and go as you please with no question."

James nodded, taking in the new information. "I'm assuming then that I don't have a choice?"

Natasha smiled. "I've got to get back. But Fury is sending a car for you in an hour." She nodded to Steve. "You too if you wish for a ride back."

"Thank you, Agent Romanoff. I'll see you out." Steve walked her downstairs and quickly bounded back up.

"What are you thinking?" He asked once he saw the expression on James's face.

"I'm not a fool," James said. "I know S.H.I.E.L.D. will be planning the exact same thing so they can keep tabs on me."

Steve nodded. "Probably."

"So how can I make sure there's no S.H.I.E.L.D. tracker?"

Steve thought for a moment. "Hold on. I'm going to make a call." He disappeared into his bedroom and James sat back down at the counter to finish off his eggs.

Steve returned a moment later. "I've got good news. Agent Barton is on his way. In his personal car."

James frowned. "Him? How's that good news?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Barton's okay. He'll make sure to check for S.H.I.E.L.D. trackers on your new arm. He knows what to look for."

James looked down at his eggs. "If you say so," he said doubtfully.

XXXXXXXXX

When Clint pulled up in his red Audi, James went for the back seat while Steve slid into the passenger seat.

"Don't worry," Clint assured them as he pulled away from the curb. "I checked for a tracker last night. Natasha is checking again now."

James shrugged.

Clint watched him from the rearview mirror. "Stark has no reason to do as S.H.I.E.L.D. says. In fact, I'm pretty sure he'd be happy to do just the opposite. And Banner will be performing the operation himself."

James nodded. "How do I know these guys are okay?"

Clint narrowed his eyes. "Other than the fact that you're friend here trusts them? These guys don't work for S.H.I.E.L.D., Mr. Barnes."

"Good point. But they're not the only ones involved now, are they?" James countered.

Clint sighed. "You don't have to worry about Natasha. Her loyalty lies with you on this one."

"Oh yeah? And what about you, Barton? How do I know I can trust you?"

Clint smiled. "Because, Mr. Barnes. I never wanted to find you in the first place."

James smirked. "Fair enough."


	6. Chapter 6

When they arrived at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base, Clint escorted them to the medical room where Bruce and Tony were already waiting for them.

Tony proudly showed off his new creation, explaining all the features and benefits. "..And best of all, you won't set off any metal detectors ever again."

James nodded. "Impressive, Mr. Stark. But I was wondering if you could change one thing?"

Tony frowned. "What's that?"

"The red star on the shoulder represents a part of my life that's no longer valid."

He nodded. "We can change the color to whatever you want, but at this point I'll wait until it's safely attached."

"The procedure should only take about two hours," Bruce said.

"You'll be performing it yourself?" Steve asked.

"I will. With Stark assisting. We thought it would be… better, that way."

James nodded. "I agree."

"Fantastic," Tony said. "Now, if you'll all clear the room, let's get started."

"Two hours, huh?" James said as he lay back on the table.

Bruce nodded. "It should be more than enough time. Steve told me about your, ah, concerns. I can assure you that they have been addressed."

"Thank you, Dr. Banner," James replied.

Tony bent down low so that the monitors wouldn't pick up. "You won't be found by anyone you don't want. I've made sure of it."

James nodded his appreciation.

"Shall we get started?" Bruce asked.

"Please," James said.

Bruce held out what looked to be an oxygen mask. "This mask sits over your nose and mouth. Just breathe normally."

James narrowed his eyes. "What's that?"

"It's just the anesthesia."

James shook his head. "No anesthesia."

Bruce frowned. "You'll want the anesthesia."

"No," James said firmly. "With all due respect, Dr. Banner. No one's going to ever put me out. Ever again. I'm staying awake."

Bruce looked to Tony, who nodded slowly. He sighed. "Alright. If you insist. I suppose I could inject the site with something, but I'm not sure what good it will do."

"That's fine."

"Of course, I really do recommend the anesthesia."

"No anesthesia," he said again.

"Okay then." He gestured to Tony. "But I'm afraid we're going to have to strap you down to keep you still. You do understand."

James nodded. "Whatever."


	7. Chapter 7

Natasha purposefully strode down the hall to the infirmary in silence. Clint was standing at attention in front of the door and Steve was leaning against the wall with his head down.

"I knew I'd find you here," she murmured, gazing pointedly at Clint.

Steve looked up, but didn't say anything.

"I'm working," Clint said tonelessly.

She nodded. "Aren't the two hours about finished?"

"Yup," Steve answered.

Just then the door opened and Tony waltzed out of the room, followed by Bruce. "Oh. Hi, everyone," Bruce greeted quietly.

"Is it finished?" Steve asked.

Bruce nodded. "All set. Everything went well and he's doing just fine."

"Can we go in?" Steve said.

"I wouldn't yet," Tony advised. "He's still sleeping. We were just about to go grab something to eat. You wanna join?"

"Sleeping?" Steve shouted. "Bruce, what the hell? I thought he told you he didn't want you to put him out!"

"I didn't," Bruce replied. "He passed out."

"Oh."

"You should go eat with them, Steve," Clint spoke up.

Steve shook his head. "I'm staying right here."

Tony rolled his eyes. "It's fine. He'll be out a little while longer. You really should eat something." He turned to the others. "Are you guys coming?"

"I'm still working," Clint said. "Right up until the Winter Soldier leaves this facility."

Natasha shook her head. "I ate before." She turned to Steve. "You really should go with them though, Captain. Clint will call you over Bluetooth the moment he wakes up."

Steve looked questioningly to Clint.

"Go on," Clint urged. "There's nothing more you can do right now."

He slowly followed his teammates down the hall.

Natasha sighed as she leaned against the wall. "I'm going up north next Monday. Fury's sending me. He says you can join me if you wish, otherwise he'll send Cooper."

Clint kept his gaze straight ahead. "I'll have to think about that one. I've had my hands full all week with this guy."

"Clint.." Natasha said softly. "There are some things I just couldn't tell you. It wasn't my place."

"I know that," he answered, his voice tight in his throat.

"So then why do you avoid me? We're partners," she said.

"Is that right?" Clint laughed dryly. "Like you were partners with him?"

"Don't do this. It was years and years ago."

"And years and years and years and years," Clint added bitterly. "How old did you say you were now?"

"You know, you're acting like a child!" She shouted.

Clint finally looked at her. "I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll come on this mission with me."

Clint was quiet.

"I'm still the same person you know," Natasha whispered. "No matter what's in my past."

Clint sighed. "I know that too. This isn't fair. To either of us. I know that."

"Are you traveling up north with me?"

He thought for a moment. "Let me just get through this week first. Then we can talk about next week."

"Fine," she agreed. She looked up to find Steve making his way back down the hallway. "That was fast," she said.

He shrugged. "I brought stuff back here," he said, holding a bag up in front of them. "There's plenty here. Sodas for you guys too. Help yourselves."

"Thanks," Clint said gratefully, reaching for a snack.

"Thank you for guarding this procedure," Steve replied.

"I'm just doing my job, Captain," Clint reminded him.

"Right," Steve said.

"You know, Cap. It's probably none of my business, but maybe you should be a little more careful around this guy," Clint said.

Natasha glared at him.

"You're right," Steve said. "It's none of your business. But thanks for the concern. Although I can assure you, it's unnecessary."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "You did read the same packet that the rest of us did before going to rescue him, right? All that horrible stuff he did? The bombing in Philadelphia? Steve, he killed over two hundred civilians without even blinking."

Steve moved away from the wall. "That wasn't Bucky."

"Not the Bucky you knew," Clint corrected. "But maybe he's not that Bucky anymore."

"He was being controlled. A weapon," Steve said defensively. "Used by the enemy, not unlike yourself if I remember correctly the last mission we were on together."

Natasha smiled.

"Well, I still say he's dangerous," Clint muttered.

"Well, no one asked you," Steve retorted.

Natasha rolled her eyes and crept away from their banter, idly tracing the doorknob of the infirmary with her hand.


	8. Chapter 8

He slowly opened his eyes and rolled over onto his side. "I know you're in here," he called. "You weren't just trying to get a peek at me without my shirt on, were you?"

She rose up from her perch on the floor, smirking as she folded her arms in front of her. "I've seen you without a shirt before."

He pulled himself up to a sitting position. "Have you now?"

She nodded. "Yes. How did you know I was here? I didn't make a sound."

He cocked his head to one side as he regarded her curiously. "Your silence was louder than any sound you could have made. Thicker. I think you wanted me to know you were in here."

She looked into his eyes. "That's right. Somebody taught me that a long time ago."

He gazed back at her without blinking. "I think it was me."

She smiled. "You're right again. Do you remember that?"

He nodded, raising his left arm in front of his face and flexing the fingers.

"Are you very sore?" She asked gently.

He shook his head. "Nah. Bruce has me pretty drugged up on painkillers though." He thought for a moment. "Where's Steve?"

"He's right outside," she assured him. "He never left. Only took a short walk down the hall at the point where you started screaming."

"Right," he said with a nod.

"Do you want me to go get him?"

"Um, I don't know… not yet, I guess."

She moved closer to him. "What else do you remember, from before?"

He looked down at his hands. "Lots of things. I remember stories from a lifetime ago…"

She nodded. "Go on."

"There are some things I remember that I know are false, but yet I wish they really happened," he continued. "But mostly… there's just things that I know for sure happened, only I'd do anything to make it so they didn't." He sighed. "But I can't."

"James.."

"Don't, Natalia." He looked up at her.

She frowned. "We have a long history. There's no need to be so formal. It's Natasha."

"Natasha…. I don't know who I am."

She tentatively placed a hand on the metal part of his shoulder. "Who do you want to be?" She asked softly. "Let's start there."

He shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"It is. I've found that out."

He laughed. "You sound like Cap."

"Steve knows what he's talking about," she said.

His eyes softened. "Innocent Captain America," he replied.

"Innocent-yes," she agreed. "Naïve- no."

"I guess… you're right about that," he said quietly. "But there's no redemption for me."

"There was for me," she said. "I still have a lot of things to make up for. But… things are good for me now. They can be good for you too."

"How? With S.H.I.E.L.D.?" He laughed. "Or maybe with the Avengers?"

"I don't know," she said in a low voice. "Maybe you just find something different that works for you."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Now you really sound like Steve."

She was about to say something but was interrupted by a knock at the door. "It's open," she called.

Steve poked his head through the door. "You're awake," he said.

James nodded. "Come on in, Steve."

He shut the door behind him and walked closer. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," he mumbled.

Natasha shook her head. "You weren't interrupting anything."

He nodded to James. "How's it feel?"

James bent his elbow back and forth a few times. "Good. Like my left arm," he said.

Steve smiled. "Good." He leaned his head in close, noticing something for the first time. "Your red star. It's gone."

"Oh yeah," James said. "The Russian star didn't really suit me this time. I went for something… a little more close to home."

"It's my shield," he observed.

"Yup." James nodded. "I asked Tony to paint the flag colors. Figured it'd be nice to have a reminder that there's still something worth fighting for out there." He jumped down from the table. "Steve, you know, I'm real tired. Can you take me home now?"

Steve nodded. "I only have my motorcycle here though. Just give me a minute to ask Fury for a car."

"I'll go arrange that," Natasha offered.

"Thank you," James said.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: This story has taken on a mind of its own. I think it's time to change the summary a little…

"Bucky," Steve murmured, gently shaking his shoulders as his friend thrashed about on the couch. "Buck, wake up."

With a growl, James opened his eyes and bolted upright, lunging at Steve as he did so. Steve easily dodged the attack, grabbing his metal wrist with both hands.

"Jesus, Steve," James muttered. "Don't you know better than to wake a sleeping assassin?"

Steve let go of his arm and backed up a couple of inches. "You were having a pretty loud nightmare."

James furrowed his eyebrows. "Sorry."

Steve nodded. "Does that happen often?"

James looked up at him. "You have no idea."

He was quiet for a moment before he carefully spoke. "You know… what Natasha said, back in the infirmary? She's not wrong."

James put a hand to his forehead in an irritated gesture. "Can we not do this for once?"

"You can't live like this, Buck," Steve said. "At some point, you're going to have to accept it and move on."

James gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Accept it, is that right?" He stood up in front of his friend and jabbed him in the chest. "Gee, I'm real glad you've forgiven me, Steve. You know that? I'm so glad… that you, and everyone else around here has 'accepted' me. "

"Bucky…"

"No, it's true. I'm glad you've forgiven me…. But I can't forgive myself. You have no idea what it's like, Steve. Yeah, the whole world changed around you but you… you stayed the same. Same old Cap. Thank goodness for you."

"You're still the same person too," Steve said quietly.

"No, I'm not!" He threw his hands angrily in the air. "Don't you get it? I remember everything. Everything! Every kill, every scream, every last breath. And there's no escape. God damn it, Steve. There's no escape."

"It wasn't you," He said firmly.

"You want to believe that. But I can't believe it."

"It wasn't you," he repeated through clenched teeth. "You had no control. You were the weapon. Someone else pulled the trigger."

James nodded. "It doesn't change things, though."

Steve sighed. "I know. Why won't you let us help you? There's still good in you, Bucky. You have to fight this."

"I… don't know how," he said softly.

Steve placed his hands firmly on James' shoulders. "You once taught me to stand up, not give up. Have I taught you nothing?"

James was quiet.

"Take control, dammit!" Steve shouted.

"I… I don't…" James murmured.

"Stand up, man. Fight with me, not against me. We can be partners."

"I can't be an Avenger, Steve." James shook his head.

"Okay. So do something else. But you have to let go."

"How?"

Steve frowned. "Why don't you try thinking of the good things you've done, instead of the bad? You did the world a lot of good. You were a war hero. Not a monster."

James smiled dryly. "That seems like a lifetime away…"

Steve smiled back. "It was." He let go of James and moved to other side of the room. "Here." He pulled a dvd off of a shelf and handed it to him. "Maybe you should take a look at this."

James looked down at the cover, turning it over in his hands. "Newsreels from the war. How did you get these?"

Steve shrugged. "Fury gave them to me when they brought me back. You want to watch?"

James thought for a moment, running his finger over the propaganda photo on the cover. "Not right now. Maybe later."

"Alright. But Bucky… James. You deserve to be able to turn this around. You know that, right?"

He looked up. "You want to go get a drink, Steve?"

"Um, I guess…"

"Good. Cause I think I really want to get drunk right now. How about you?"

"Come on. You know I can't get drunk," Steve reminded him.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that," James said. "They said you can't get drunk because your metabolism works four times faster than a normal man's , right?"

Steve nodded cautiously. "Right.."

"Well, what if you just drink four times faster? I bet it'll work."

Steve laughed. "I doubt it. Good theory, though."

"Come on, let's try. I'll match you shot for shot." He started to make his way down the stairs.

"Yeah, right," Steve said with a grin. "You'll be passed out on the floor before I even break a sweat."


	10. Chapter 10

James stretched his legs out, propping his feet up on the coffee table. The blue light from the television flickered in the darkness. He looked to Steve, who was lounging in the armchair beside the couch. "I feel like a little kid all over again watching you in action," he quipped.

Steve grinned. "I told you this would be therapeutic."

James laughed. "Do you do this often?"

Steve shook his head. "Nah. Only when I'm feeling more than a little nostalgic. Which thankfully I don't really have time for these days."

James nodded. "Man, look at you, Cap. You've got skill."

Steve's thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of the doorbell. His eyes darted to the dvd player and he groaned when he saw that it was after eleven p.m. "That's never a good sign," he said as he jogged down the stairs.

"Natasha!" Steve said in surprise when he opened the door. "You're not here to see me, are you?"

She shook her head.

"Of course not. You're never here to see me. What S.H.I.E.L.D. business have you got tonight?"

"Um.. no S.H.I.E.L.D. business. Is he here?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah. Come on up."

"Buck? It's for you again."

James pulled his feet from the coffee table and straightened up. "Natasha, hi."

"Hi, James. I hope I'm not interrupting... "

"No, it's fine. We were just…err.. watching a movie…"

Steve clapped his hands awkwardly. "Well, it's late. I'm going to bed." He winked. "You kids behave yourselves."

James picked up a pillow from the other side of the couch and tossed it at him as he retreated down the hall. Steve threw his arm out to his side, easily blocking the attack with a laugh.

James shook his head. "So what's up? S.H.I.E.L.D. business this late, huh? You do realize I'm not actually an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., right?"

She shifted her feet. "No S.H.I.E.L.D. business this time. I… actually don't know why I'm here…"

James folded up his blanket and placed it on the arm of the couch. "Alright. Well, here, have a seat."

"Thanks," she said, sinking back into the couch. "So.. what are you watching?"

"Oh.. uh… old newsreels," he said. "Fury gave them to Steve."

"Nice," Natasha said. "Let's watch."

"Um.. okay," he said, reaching for the remote and pressing play. "So.. you just come here to check up on me, or something?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did. How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Fine."

"That's good." She turned her attention back to the tv screen. "Red tights. That was a nice look for you," she commented jokingly.

He nodded. "Yup. They were real comfortable too," he replied.

She laughed lightly.

"This is Cap's own personal form of therapy," he said.

She leaned her head back against the couch.

"You know, for someone who's supposed to not want me to be found… you come here an awful lot," he remarked.

"Oh.. I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't thinking."

"I was kidding," he said.

She frowned. "Well, I guess we'll have to move you soon anyway."

"Yeah, Steve's helping me find my own apartment," He informed her. "But I kinda like it here."

"It wouldn't be safe for either of you if you stayed here permanently," she said softly.

He leaned his head back against the couch and met her gaze at the same level. "I know… but still… it feels safe."

She looked into his eyes. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he said seriously. "But I have to figure out something."

"Well.. just let me know… if I can be of help to you."

He smiled. "Thanks," he said sincerely.

She smiled back. "Still the same.." she murmured.

His brow furrowed. "What?"

She leaned closer, her face searching his, but he didn't move away. Slowly, she closed her eyes, her lips pressing softly against his. He raised his hands to her face, kissing her back, and she carefully wrapped her arm around his back, her hand ghosting softly across his metal shoulder.

Just as quickly as she had advanced, she pulled pack, her eyes opening to search his.

"You..feel… exactly as I remember," he whispered huskily.

"So you do remember," she said.

"I remember everything," he replied, his brown eyes wide. "I remember… everything."

"James…" She reached for him again and he opened his mouth under hers eagerly, drinking her in. They kissed thoroughly for a few long moments.

She pressed her body against his, effectively pushing him down into the couch cushions. His left arm was cold against her skin, but she didn't mind. She kissed hungrily along his jaw, moving her mouth down his neck.

"Hold on," he murmured softly and she pulled away, raising a questioning eyebrow. "As much as I.. want to do this," he said, his breathing heavy. "And trust me, I do… but we can't do this on Steve's couch."

"Oh.. right," she said.

He smirked. "Besides, I don't want to come between you and Romeo."

"It's not even like that, with us."

"Isn't it?"

She frowned. "I don't know. Maybe it would have been, but not anymore. He doesn't trust me now."

He pulled her back down against his chest, combing through her long red hair with his metal fingers. "That's just for now. He'll get over it."

"I don't know…"

He sighed. "You're on the same team. Barton still trusts you with his life. The rest will fall back into place in time. You'll see. Take it from someone who knows a little about trust and lack thereof."

"I hadn't thought of it like that. Maybe you're right.."

"Yeah.."

"I hope you're right."

He turned his eyes back to the tv without saying anything else.


	11. Chapter 11

"I really appreciate you meeting me on such short notice," James said as he climbed into the passenger side of a red Audi.

"Why me?"

He thought for a moment. "I guess I just didn't know who else to call. Is it done?"

"Yes."

"And where's Steve now?"

"Training exercise. With the others. But we only have an hour so we have to act fast."

"Right. Then let's go."

They drove on in silence.

"Why didn't you let Natasha help you?"

He frowned. "There's too much history. I can't have her knowing where I am. She might tell."

"And how do you know I won't?"

He shrugged. "I thought you didn't want to find me in the first place, Barton."

Clint grinned. "You're right about that." He gestured over his shoulder to the back seat. "There's a black hoodie back there and a pair of gloves. Make sure your face is covered. You'll probably want to cut your hair too.."

He grabbed the bag from the back seat and rummaged through it. "And there's no chance they'll be able to find me?"

Clint shook his head. "I erased all the information on the Winter Soldier from the S.H.I.E.L.D. database. You might as well never have existed."

James whistled. "You won't lose your job for that, will you?"

"No. They'll never know I did it. I'm not stupid enough to use my own access code."

"So.. who am I now?"

Clint turned to look at him through his sunglasses for the first time. "I don't know. You tell me."

James smiled. "I'd rather not."

"Good. Anyway, you can be whoever you want now. We'll have no idea."

He leaned his head back against the headrest.

They drove on in silence for a few more miles before they were at the airport. "I've got a fake identity set up for you for the purpose of this flight," Clint said. "Destroy everything when you get to where you're going."

James nodded. "Thanks, Clint."

Clint nodded back. "Anything else, kid?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, looking down at his gloved hands.

"What is it?"

He looked up. "Tell Steve I'm sorry."

"Sure thing. Good luck, kid," he said as James made his way out of the car and shut the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All his records have been erased from S.H.I.E.L.D. computers. There are no print files, either," Bruce confirmed.

"Dammit," Steve cursed. "Tony, can you fix it?"

"I tried, Cap. I'm afraid I've got nothing."

Natasha glared quietly from the corner.

He turned on Clint. "Was this your doing?"

"Don't look at me. I just gave him a ride to the airport. I had nothing to do with anything else," Clint said, raising his hands defensively.

"Why on Earth would you do that?" Steve shouted.

"Excuse me? I believe it was you who suggested to Fury that I be charged with keeping him safe," Clint retorted. "I was just doing my job, Captain."

"Come on, Cap," Tony said, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder. "There's nothing more we can do here tonight. Let's get you home."

Bruce nodded. "We'll talk to Fury about this in the morning," he added.

Steve sighed agitatedly. "Fine. Let's go."

Natasha silently turned her face towards Clint after they'd gone.

"What? I suppose you're mad at me too?" He said accusingly.

"No." She shook her head. "I'm actually proud of you, Clint."

He looked up, shocked. "Proud?"

She nodded. "He needed a safe out. You provided that for him. Maybe this is just what he needed to turn his life around."

Clint frowned. "I don't think Steve sees it that way. And I hope Fury agrees with you."

She placed a hand on his knee. "Just give him time. He'll be okay. And Fury I think at least had an idea of what you were planning."

Clint nodded. "You're probably right about that."

"So.. are you coming up north with me tomorrow?"

He sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming up north with you. We're partners, right?"

She smiled. "Right."


End file.
